Moving Forward

I have blogged only sporadically since the beginning of this year and haven’t written anything in over a month.

I could say it’s because I have been busy – it wouldn’t be a lie – but it wouldn’t be entirely true. The honest reason is that, for a while, I lost my desire to share my life with the outside world.

So far, 2018 has been a year of change and uncertainty. It started with the rejection of my visa application at the very end of last year and hasn’t really stopped since… It left me feeling vulnerable and unwilling to expose my fragility to strangers and friends alike. I wanted to soak in the changes and process them on my own, away from prying eyes. Even when I felt like writing, knowing that I was cyberstalked by Edward’s ex-wife often stopped me.

I don’t want to go too deep on this subject – she really doesn’t deserve that much attention – but since it’s one of the main reasons why I have kept quiet on here and been less authentic in my content, I thought it was important to mention it. Having someone analyse everything you share, mock you on social media and go as far as to diagnose you with supposed mental health problems (because we have similar interests, big deal) can wreck your confidence and temper your eagerness to post online.

But I’m done censoring myself to spare her feelings, protect my husband or avoid being cowardly laughed at by someone I’ve never even met.

I started blogging all those years ago to practise my language skills and share updates as I checked items off my ’25 before 25′ bucket list. I had no idea at the time that my little blog would reach hundreds of people and that I would connect with so many of them, building solid friendships along the way.

By holding myself back in my writing (and by not engaging much), I involuntarily weakened some of those connections and it saddens me. I used to enjoy being part of the blogging community.

I think the key to strong relationships – in real life or within the blogosphere – is a certain amount of vulnerability. So I want to let go of fear and start writing freely again.

A lot has happened since January (I got married and became a business owner, just to name a few things) and I have a dozen drafts waiting to be edited and published in a somewhat ‘near’ future. I’ll probably never be one of those bloggers who write something new every week and schedule posts in advance because I’m honestly the slowest and most disorganised writer out there – thanks, ADHD! – but I’ll do my best.

Until then, I have some catching up to do to get through all the posts I saved to read ‘later’…

25 thoughts on “Moving Forward

  1. I am so sorry that you feel you need to self censor! I always love your posts, and your photos. I am so, so sorry to hear about the visa. The UK can be horrible about visa applications, so please don’t take it personally!

    Anyway, I blooming love this blog, so I’ll still be here waiting to read, once you’re ready to come back.

    p.s. There are two quite new lovely blogging groups on fb full of supportive folks. Would you like me to send you links for them? :D

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thank you so much Josy! You make me blush!

      The whole visa thing really sucked… I didn’t take it personally, but I was really angry and bitter about the whole experience for a while. I feel better now, but I do hope the system gets better with time. I find the way this country treats immigrants rather disgraceful!

      I found a new way to edit photos (I had problems with my editing software on my laptop) so I’ll get my camera out again. More photos coming your way!

      I’d love the links! If you don’t want to share then here, I’m sure you can find me on Facebook. :)

      P.S.: Thank you! This is the best compliment, especially coming from a native speaker!

      Like

  2. I’ve been feeling a bit censored myself lately – when I’ve had time to write that is, so I totally get this! I hope you find your voice again and a nice balance to all the outside factors! Can’t wait to read new posts whenever you get the chance to get them out!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so happy you have finally put your foot down. Since we met in our previous job I couldn’t believe all you had to go through with that woman. I’m glad that, from now onwards, you can show yourself and don’t be scared of weak people who don’t have a life of their own. :)

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Life is too short to let anyone take some of your time here and make you feel like your not worth respect. Go forward as you are you will get there, just do not look back unless you are travelling that way. I hope the visa gets sorted soon and you win the battle to be you uncensored and free.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Ellen. You are absolutely right! I have lots to look forward to, and lots to enjoy in the present. I should focus on that.

      The visa stuff is thankfully sorted, at least for now. I’m not looking forward going through it again in two years time…

      Like

  5. All I can say is chin up. I know exactly how wearing it is having someone monitoring everything you say and do, and bitching about you, even making stuff up – to anyone that will listen.

    It’s extremely hard, that you have dealt with it thus far, says a huge amount about you (all positive)

    unless you are tied to location, it would be worth considering moving away- since I suspect she won’t.

    I’m chuffed you have made a start again, and I’m looking forward to reading more – I have missed you, and am glad you are back.

    In your own time :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I remember we had chatted about it a bit a few months back… I hope your situation is better. Thankfully for me, nobody seems to listen to her… The friends her and my husband had in common chose their side a long time ago, which says a lot about who she was back then too.

      At the moment, we are tied by my husband’s job but there have talks of moving somewhere else someday… Not before a few years though, and certainly not because of her!

      Thank you for your kind words! I look forward to writing again and sharing more of my experiences. :)

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Allo ma belle. Je peux t’assurer que tu es sur la bonne voie dans ta vie. C’est certain! Tu es une personne formidable au-delà des yeux physiques. Tu évolues bien et tu travailles sur toi et tu es consciente de QUI tu es et ca, c’est rare! Beaucoup se sont éloignés d’eux-mêmes….et sont engouffrés dans leur peurs et leurs doutes. Ca nous arrive tous, mais il faut continuer d’avancer et affronter nos peurs et toi, tu le fais bien. Le meilleur est à venir! Et ton meilleur à toi, c’est toi. Pas les autres.

    Les autres feront bien ce qu’ils veulent et diront ce qu’ils veulent. Pendant ce temps, ils perdent un temps précieux, que toi tu peux prendre et utiliser pour ton évolution personnelle.

    Bisous et prends soin de toi. C’est en prenant soin de toi que tu peux prendre soin de ceux que tu aimes.

    Je t’aime

    Mary

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, merci ma belle cocotte chérie! Le travail sur soi est essentiel dans la vie… Les gens qui ne se donnent pas la peine de se connaître et de travailler sur eux-mêmes ne vont jamais bien loin. ¨ca prends du temps – et dans mon cas pas mal de session de thérapie! – mais c’est la meilleure chose que de découvrir qui on est et de vivre selon nos valeurs profondes.

      Et les autres, comme tu dis, c’est les autres…

      Je m’ennuie de toi ma belle! Si vous retournez en Espagne, faites-moi signe. Peut-être qu’on ira vous rejoindre pour un jour ou deux! ;) Sinon, on se voit quand je serai au Québec.

      Je t’aime ma belle amie, prends bien soin de toi! xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I went to great lengths to make sure nobody would know my blog except strangers. Because of that very reason. When you have an enemy, they’re probably trying to soak up every bit of information to find something they can use against you. Fortunately, if you just live a normal life, they will just embarras themselves.

    It seems the only mentally unstable person is the ex of your husband. That’s the irony with enemies that try to find something… they’re coming up with lies like that, but in fact they’re the only persons with mental problems.

    We, our family, we had to deal with a very unstable person over the last two years. Ironically, she just caused problems for herself. Now everyone knows her actions, and everyone thinks she is a narcissist. She left the city, because she lost everyone, and nobody is trusting her anymore. That’s how it usually goes. Some lies mght work for a while, but at the end it’s coming back like a jumaring (lol). Game over. I think my review would look like this… 10/10, it was pretty interesting to see a person making her own life more difficult.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry to hear you are living through such a difficult situation. And I’m glad things seems to be getting a bit better for you!

      I wouldn’t say the ex-wife is ‘mentally unstable’ because I don’t know her, but I guess she could possibly be a narcissist. Thankfully, I’m done with her!

      Thank you for your comment! :)

      Liked by 1 person

  8. You cheated with a married man. You and he kept that secret from her for months. Most people who are betrayed act out their grief. What the two of you did to her was unconscionable. Your cheering section should look at what happens to a spouse when they are discarded. Your are no heroine. You are just an immature girl living someone else’s life. Get over yourself.

    Like

    1. I chatted online with a married man living 3000 miles away who was stuck in an abusive relationship with (according to her former husband and friends) a controlling, narcissistic woman. Does it excuse what Edward did, keeping it a secret from her? Absolutely not. But when people see no way out of a painful situation, they act out in unexpected ways. She caused hurt too.

      I understand her anger toward him and, to a certain point, her grief and her curiosity and anger toward me. But it’s been years now and she claims to have made peace with it all, so why is this still going on?

      She doesn’t know me and she doesn’t know that Edward almost left her months before he did – because of their broken relationship, not because of me. She doesn’t know I never asked him to leave her. She doesn’t know I spent nights on the phone with him, asking him if he would regret his choice and encouraging him to perhaps try and sort things out with her. She doesn’t know she had all my empathy and that I rooted for her to get what she wanted in the divorce.

      That changed when she started insulting me.

      Maybe Edward and I didn’t do the right thing… But life happens in ways we don’t always see coming.

      She’s happy now (or so she says) and I’m glad for her. We’re happy too and she should be glad for us. That’s maturity for you!

      I didn’t write this post in hope of getting support. I simply felt the situation needed to be addressed so I can move on and stop wondering when she’ll lash out next.

      I never tried to replace her. I’m not in a competition with her or, despite what she believes, imitating her.

      I am sincerely sorry things panned out the way they did and that she was hurt in the process. It was never my intention and I know – because I was there – that Edward did his best to try and protect her.

      Now it’s time to move on.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. You have the support of all your blogging friends. I’ve been on a blogging break too; for different reasons. I’m getting back into now. I really missed it and missed the communication with all my fellow bloggers.
    Great that you’re back writing. keep it up!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I appreciate your authenticity in this post & the fact that you decided to put a difficult part of your story out into the open. I’m so sorry that people like that woman exist and make it their life’s mission to deter you; please don’t stop writing and sharing because of this.
    I love your blog & truly connect to it. I’m happy to hear that you’ll be doing more writing in the near future.
    Keep your head up, girl. You’ve got a whole fan club! <3
    Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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